By Golly, I think he's got it!

Oh my oh my, has it really been that long since my last post? Have I neglected my readers for so long? Have I painfully been engulfed in the working world, loosing my identity, emotionally scaring myself just to make a few quick bucks....isn't there a word for that? Oh yes, prostitution. 

So I guess last years focus was about creating an adult life for my partner and I- alas the partner is no more, the heart has regained it's thirst for life, and the mind has remembered why I left the peaceful sanctuary of Copenhagen. 

Life consists of trial and error......trial and error....just reading those words really aggravates me, does this mean no matter what one tries it will inevitably end in error? why cant it be trial and succession? Are we that pessimistic of a specifies that we expect/ accept failure in fear of success..scapegoating failure as if it were en vogue to fail whenever we try to pursue any ambition we have.

Maybe I am going through a mid 20's crisis....even though I'm nearing the age of 30. To be fair my whole life has been a crisis of sorts when it came to achieving my ambitions. I have been told 'to be grateful for what i had', 'always look on the bright side','it'll happen soon'. To be honest, I am a happy go lucky fucking grateful person, except for when it comes to my career. The sad thing is I knew what I wanted from an incredibly young age, but life (aka me) got in the way. I was getting side tracked by less important things giving them purpose, resulting in avoiding the things that deserved my undivided attention, what I truly wanted from life. And why was that? It all came down to that nasty mother f***er fear. The fear of failure. It's stupid sayings like 'trial and error' that stuck with me...I'm not making a god damn cheese cake where if I do mess it up I can just start again and learn from my mistakes then and there....no no, Im talking about my life.There is no restart button, no going back to square one, because everything that happened after square one has tainted and soiled has square one completely.

So what is this post about then? One of the main reasons I started this blog was to write witty interesting things about fashion because, as awful as it sounds (to some of you,which i dont really understand why I feel bad for this) fashion is my life. Its the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think of before I sleep. So much so that I can never sleep in silence because my mind will keep going and going. This does not mean I like shopping, on the contrary, I truly dislike it. I am talking about going to museums, fashion-exhibitions touching pieces of clothing/ fabrics that can truly bring tears to your eyes. If you have ever cried at a fashion piece, you'll get me. I have only met 2 other people feel the same. Fashion to me evokes the essence of humanity, the truth, the ugly, the beauty, fantasy... watch one of Jean Paul Gaultier's or McQueen's early shows and tell me you dont feel something. Read about Yves Saint Laurent and tell me he doesn't inspire you, watch interviews with Isabella Blow and tell me her poetic wit and diction doesn't make your heart flutter, look at milliners like Phillip Tracey and convince me you dont get transported to a fantastical world of surrealism. The fashion world has a lot to offer our minds, body and spirit. You might think this is over the top- I however, think I'm putting it mildly. It's a shame to think that a world that has so much to offer, shapes, colours, and textiles, giving everyone the chance to be themselves yet we feel its easier to follow the masses and trends. More and more people have embarked on spiritual journeys in finding what they truly desire from life. We are seeking our purpose. Mine is this. Not necessarily writing blogs, but mine is to explain my journey through my life getting what my mind, and every fibre of my being has told me what I am on this planet for. 

I have had my promotions, worked hard, gotten an 'adult job' but something does not sit well in my inner self. Working so hard for someone, giving them all I have and getting little in return is not where I saw myself...EVER. This post is not some 'New Year new me' BS. I have just had an eureka moment of stop feeling sorry for myself and stop blaming everyone for what I haven't achieved. I could sit here and talk about what I dont like about my job, however It pays my bills...I could sit here and tell you about my 8 year relationship that came to an end, but if it wasn't for that I wouldn't have gotten this eureka moment. I have emotionally and mentally abused myself for long enough now, and I finally have the courage to get on with it. I've mourned my loses and now I am rebuilding/reinventing myself.

The reason for all of this (and now it is going to get a bit soppy) is due to the force of friends that I had behind me. Those who saw my talents when I didn't. Those who have faith in me and those who even said they looked up to me this christmas which, I can honestly say I will never forget. Ladies and gents I dedicate anything fabulous I do from here on out to you..

No promises for 2015, just do what brings you happiness. And if something doesn't feel right, step the fuck away and do something else, this goes for jobs, friends, relationships and shit clubs.

Yours truly,

-A